Connections

Yesterday, John told me that some of his co-workers have been asking if I’m showing yet. We both found that pretty humorous considering I haven’t worn non-maternity pants in over 6 weeks. You guys have seen the photos. I definitely have a belly. I don’t think I realized how much things had changed until this week, though.

Along with a new winter coat, I ordered some flannel pajama pants from Old Navy. I washed the pjs, and they were ready to wear last night. Who knew pjs pants could be loose in the front as well as the back! I had no idea that, thanks to Monkey, my backside has grown a bit to off-set the growth on the front of me. I can curl up in these pajama pants without worrying that I might hear thread tearing. Hallelujah. Now I just need one (or two) more pairs to get me through these last 14.5 weeks or so (gulp!).

It really hit me this week too, now that Monkey is about 1.5 lbs and the length of an ear of corn, he has to come out at some point. Uh oh. He’s getting bigger every day, as evidenced by his increased acrobatics, and although I do love feeling him, it also is a pretty consistent reminder that he’ll be looking for an exit door in a couple months. I’ll try to put off that anxiety for another month or two…

Another thing that has struck me this past week or so is an increased sense of bonding with Monkey. Until we knew whether he was a boy or a girl, it was hard for me to feel all warm and cuddly and protective. I just didn’t feel connected, and I was frustrated. You always see the quintessential pregnant lady who rubs her belly, smiles and gushes praises of her unborn bundle of joy. I wasn’t that lady. After we found out Monkey was a boy and we FINALLY settled on a name for him, I started to feel a little better. Between the two of us, John and I started referring to Monkey by his real name. That helped too. Now, in the past week or so, with Monkey’s increased activity in my belly, I’m starting to feel more attached. When we went to the Christmas markets last weekend, I was even a bit unhappy because there were so many people who might bump into me and hurt Monkey. I walked around the whole time with my hand on my tummy. Maybe I’m starting to turn into the classic image of a pregnant lady.

Let it be said, however, that I’m still a little worried that I won’t love Monkey the second he makes his debut into the world. Yesterday, I was emailing with a friend of mine who just had a baby, and she made me feel more comfortable about not feeling attached. I have heard from other women that this is normal and sometimes it takes some time, but until I heard it from a friend and not a random faceless person from the internet, I don’t think I believed it. Having this knowledge, along with my increased sense of connection over the past couple weeks, I feel a little more prepared and assured to face this life change.