Last Monday, when I was incredibly exhausted from a poor night’s sleep (or lack thereof), I did not rub my skin raw in the shower wondering why my body wash wasn’t lathering up. I did not later realize that I had washed myself with conditioner instead of body wash.

I did notwork on some Spanish at work the other day and blush from embarrassment when someone walked into my office and my computer’s speakers were unforgivingly blaring “La mujer esta sober la puente.” Nope, I would never do that. (An aside: I don’t think “unforgivingly” is a word, but I couldn’t think of a proper way to say that, so oh well. Suggestions?)

Being a native Texan, I am completely acclimated to hot humid weather. German summers tend to hover in the mid to upper 70s, so yesterday, when it was near 90, I did not complain that I was so hot and couldn’t stand the weather. Not me!

I also love my sweet puppy very much and would not make fun of him, especially when he had a plastic cone around his neck to keep him from riping out stitches from his neutering on Friday. Never.

(I really wish I had a photo to accompany that last statement!)

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The day is already wrapping up, and unfortunately, I have been plagued with a headache all day. Hopefully I will be able to rest some this evening. We have leftovers for dinner and I don’t have any homework due for awhile, so I think I have relax and have a clear conscience.

All of these things have not happened since 10 PM last night.

John and I had just turned off the lights and were eager to get to sleep since we both had early mornings today. Within 2 minutes of turning off the lights, we did not hear a sounds like liquid pouring onto our hardwood floor. We did not scramble for a light, and when the lights were turned on, we did not witness our dear sweet almost 6-month-old puppy peeing ALL over our bedroom floor.

Béni did not  pee on his bed, my backpack, my bedside rug, and in 3 large puddles in front of our bed. Nope, that did not  happen. And since that did not happen, I did not have to get out of bed, sop up the pee with paper towels, douse the floor in vinegar to cover the smell, mop the floor, put my backpack in the washing machine, or use Resolve on the rug (it’s dry clean only, but I give up). Oh, and his bed is most certainly not in the dumpster now.

The beginning to our bedtime was not at all indicative of the rest of my night’s sleep.

A plane did notfly low over post around 11:30 PM that made my mind conjure up scary images like post getting bombed. After the plane flew over, I did not see a flash and actually think we might be getting bombed. I am not that neurotic.

I was not woken up around 4 AM to our portable A/C making crazy noises that kept me up until around 5:30 AM.

Béni’s snoring did notkeep me awake, nor did my fear that he would pee all over everything again. Every time I heard our portable A/C drain water, I did not for even just a minute think Béni was peeing again.

A firetruck did not park right in front of our building with it’s lights on in response to an emergency call around 5:15 AM. The firefighters did not talk so loudly that I became extremely irritated.

The bird outside our window who wakes me up every day around 5 AM did not chirp this morning and add to my aggravation.

John did not hit snooze multiple times on his alarm, again causing me to stay awake. I did not get frustrated by this either. When my alarm when off, I did not also hit snooze 3 times. Pot. kettle. black. I know. (I love you, honey.)

On my walk to work, I did not write this post in my head and think about how amusing all of this is in retrospect. I am also not longing for a Dr. Pepper to get me through the day already. I have already had a coffee and that should be is sufficient.

So, as you can see, I did not have a terrible night’s sleep. I am, of course, fully rested and ready to start the week.

Oh, and on the topic of sleep, I found this quote and had to share because I think it’s amusing: “A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep” – W.H. Auden

I have been noticing relatively small spiders around the window area in my office lately. It’s not that big of a deal – I mean, I don’t like spiders, but I can kill the little ones without freaking out. Yet another little black spider was climbing around on the blinds by my desk on Friday, so I removed a shoe and swatted it. I’m pretty sure I missed it, but I peered under my desk to see if I could see it and give it one more quick stomp. Immediately, my attention was drawn elsewhere. The largest spider I have ever seen in person was inches from my knee on the radiator. Ew. I did not get increasingly more upset to the point of “freak out tears” and end up running outside to seek help in killing the spider. (And by seek help, I do not mean find someone else who would kill it without my help.) The only person outside was one of our cleaning ladies who only speaks German and Turkish. I did not beckon her indoors and plead with her to kill the spider, and she did not squish the spider with the tip of her flip flop and wipe the bug guts on the carpet below my chair…where I put my feet for 8 hours a day 5 days a week.

Yesterday I noticed Béni was chewing on something, which typically means he has gotten some paper or a small bit of clothing in his mouth. Generally, we try to remove it before he swallows. I pried his mouth open and began to pull a slender black thing (looked like dark wood) out from the side of his cheek. When I got it out of his mouth, I inspected the foreign object closer and discovered it had antennae. It was a bug! I did not proceed to scream the most girly scream I’ve screamed in over a year and run through the house (still screaming) to the bathroom where the screams turned to tears while I washed my hands. Nope, not me! Oh, and even if it did happen, it would not have excited Béni so much that he ran circles around me the whole time. (And my husband most certainly did not laugh at me.)

This past week, I was not even just a tad bit over emotional (thank you, hormones) and I did not have a complete break down after trying to get past the security guards to our apartment. Early last week, they had an issue at the gate where part of it broke so people could not enter the housing area without driving around and coming in a back gate. When the guard told me this, I did not start to get upset. By the time I turned around and was heading back to the main road, I had not gotten so upset that I was bawling. I did not call John in tears and say “I don’t know how to get home.” I am not that pathetic.

Ok, that’s it (thank goodness)! I did not have a very bug and tear-filled week!

Oh, and by the way, there’s something severely wrong with living in a place where it’s 57 at noon in mid-June. Brr.

- Sarah

For those of you who are unaware,”Not Me!” Monday is a chance for everyone to be brutally honest about what they have not been doing this week. Head over to MckMama‘s blog, My Charming Kids, to see what others have not been up to this week!

Saturday morning, I wanted a cup of coffee, but after I poured myself a cup from the pot I brewed, I realized I didn’t have a spoon unpacked to measure out sugar and stir into my coffee. I did not come up with the brilliant idea of “scooping” sugar out of the container with a spatula, nor did I stir my coffee with said spatula. Not me.

Also, I spent the weekend moving and writing length papers. I did not get tired of writing, and I did not resort to copy/pasting from some old papers while writing the new ones. Not me!

Finally, when we moved out on Friday, I was not embarrassed at how dusty our apartment was. There were no dust bunnies to be seen – certainly none the size of Texas that were hiding under bookcases. I vacuum regularly and there were no dust bunnies to be seen, so I was not ashamed in the least!

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Thanks to my wonderful husband’s help, we got mostly unpacked this weekend. The only rooms that really need work now are the master and guest bedrooms. Over the weekend, I wrote about 25 pages for school, we unpacked the kitchen and living and dining rooms and ran several home-furnishing related errands. Oh, and we cleaned the old apartment.

Now I am le tired.

- Sarah

I am opposed to setting a precedent of letting Béni get onto our bed with us and have not let him up there. Saturday morning, John and I were relaxing and watching some TV in bed, which we never get to do (really). I did not think Béni looked so cute and pitiful sitting on the floor by our bed that I succumbed to allowing him on the bed just in “special cases.” No, I would never allow that.

It’s “Not Me!” Monday (happening a little later than usual), which is a chance for everyone to be brutally honest about what they have not been doing this week. MckMama normally posts her own “Not Me!” Monday at My Charming Kids, where you can see what others have not been up to this week but her post is on a Memorial Day weekend break this week. Since I did (not do) some silly things this week, I still wanted to share!

I did not eat crème brûlée for dessert two nights in a row. That is not healthy and certainly not something I would do – even when on vacation.

I did not break down in tears when the mean French man kicked us out of line at the catacombs because they were closing. Who kicks people out of lines at museums? And for that matter, who cries at not getting to see dead people?

Finally, I did not break down and buy an iPhone today. Nope, not me. I have been strongly opposed to spending our money on an iPhone, and there’s no way I caved and bought one today.

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I can’t wait to continue my Amsterdam post and tell y’all about our Paris trip. How was your weekend? Did you do anything special to commemorate Memorial Day?

- Sarah

Good Monday morning! As usual, it’s “Not Me!” Monday here on our blog, which is a chance for everyone to be brutally honest about what they have not been doing this week. You can also head over to My Charming Kids to see what MckMama and others have not been up to this week!

After watching the shuttle launch live on the web through NASA TV last week, I was think a great deal about outer space. I absolutely love astronomy and took 2 classes in astronomy during my undergrad – one was an intro course and the other was on galaxies, quasars and the universe. Though my affinity for space might make me a bit of a nerd, I was not geeky enough to tell John “You know what I’m really upset about?…Space debris.” Nope, not me!

John had to wake up incredibly early for work twice this week, and on Tuesday morning at 5:40 AM, while we were driving to his office, he did not randomly bust out singing Here Comes Santa Claus. Mind you, it’s May. My husband certainly did not sing Christmas carols in May.

Also, I am not so much of a motormouth that my dear sweet husband had to ask me to be quiet for 10 minutes on our drive up to the Netherlands this weekend. (Oops…apparently, I do [not] have the talent for talking for hours on end about completely random things.)

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I have quite a bit to post about already this week, so stay tuned for stories about our trip this weekend as well as some big news!

- Sarah

As another Monday rolls around, it’s time for “Not Me!” Monday, a chance for everyone to be brutally honest about what they have not been doing this week. You can also head over to My Charming Kids to see what MckMama and others have not been up to this week!

I have been unemployed since November 2007 when I came to visit John in Germany. Once I returned to the States, I had 5.5 months to plan our wedding and get moved to Europe, so I didn’t get another job. Since moving here in June 2008, I have been looking for jobs and have applied for over 60 positions. I have not spent the past week spending my imaginary first paycheck every which way possible (student loan repayment, nicer TV, frames for two canvas paintings we have, an iPhone, new clothes for both of us, a dresser for our bedroom….you get the picture…I did not think of any of this, got it?). I am not counting my chickens before they hatch.

Béni has been doing much better at obeying us lately, and I trust him a fair amount for a puppy. I did not convince myself he would be fine outside without a leash walking from our car to the door to our stairwell, which is approximately 30 feet. He did not take off running the opposite direction (toward the street) and refuse to listen to me, and I did not start screaming his name at the top of my lungs.

Saturday night was my night to take Béni out when he woke up between 5 and 6:30 AM (he does this every day and we take turns taking him out). When he barked at 6:20 AM, I was not dreaming about ordering the most delicious looking ice cream I have ever seen. Because that didn’t happen, I most certainly did not try to get back into that dream when I stumbled back into bed 15 minutes later.

Finally, it was not me who squealed with glee when a lightning bolt struck in the distance out our bedroom window last night. I did not follow the squeal with a fixed gaze on the sky in the hopes of more (there were about 8 more lightning strikes with small rumbles of thunder). I have been mentioning thunderstorms quite a bit lately (here and here). This is not the most exciting thing that has happened to me in weeks.

Oh, and it did not just thunder again. What’s up with this, Deutschland? Keep it coming!

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Has anyone attempted that yogurt recipe? We made it again yesterday and it was neat to be able to use the 3 tablespoons of yogurt from John’s batch last week – in other words, we didn’t have to use any store-bought yogurt in our recipe.

- Sarah